Celebrations: Firsts….., Lasts….., Nexts……

I was sitting in my fourth floor administrative office in the new dramatic arts building on campus. It was Sunday at about 3:15. I had music playing on my computer and the half finished acrostic on my desk.

It was time for the fifth and sixth of seven shows opened since I returned on March 1 to close that afternoon. I was feeling a little giddy about these closures.

That morning, before I came to campus on the second day of the LA Times Festival of books, I put together a green outfit. It felt like spring. My future feels like the promising shoots of bamboo that adorned my pants. I find myself gravitating to this outfit more and more. Green is a healing color.

There is a feeling of endings and beginnings at this time of year anyway that is always poignant. This year it is especially so for me since I am retiring, but I see so many of the seniors also heading out into their lives after college. The ones with employment set up already look calmer than the ones without which only makes sense. All of us, and I include myself in the category of seniors about to graduate (because that’s what this feels like); we are all excited about the next chapter of our lives. Life without the safety net that being enrolled or employed at the university provides.

That week I was more or less in residence near the Sanctuary Theater, where the play, Chavez Ravine: An LA Ghost Story was completing its performance run. I am ending my work at USC at the side of the university’s dedicated Department of Public Safety. The play, written by Culture Clash, satirizes the powerful misuse of Eminent Domain to displace hundreds of families in the three neighborhoods of Bishop, La Loma and Palo Verde. Our production attracted the unwanted attention of a group of protesters, which necessitated additional security expenses for the school and attendance at all the performances by my co-production manager, Simon and I.

Since then, we opened and closed one final production, which played through the Sunday following the end of classes. Since then, the campus has erupted in unique ways that I have not been witness to before during my long sojourn at USC. The press has covered these events with unwavering focus. The New York Times noted in this article that this unrest is not common at USC. It has been an unwelcome adjustment for all around a powerfully emotional confrontation.

Some other “lasts”:

• Production Staff Meeting on Zoom

• Last individual meetings with my Senior Production Staff
• Last meeting of Chairs
• Last debrief of productions
• Last strike of a production
• Last Senior Showcase Celebration for me (Not really. Can’t get rid of me that quickly.)We have a great “crop” graduating. Check out their talents – These graduating students seem fiercely prepared.

Some firsts:

• Meeting with finalists for candidates for my job – career first
• First Senior Production/Design Showcase in the new to SDA Dramatic Arts Building
• Retirement party celebration attended by the nearest and dearest in my life
  • Getting lovingly “deified” by colleagues and friends in front of the nearest and dearest in my life
  • So many beautiful and thoughtful gifts from colleagues and friends. (Thank yous are coming!)
  • Having my own mentor from when I was a teenager floundering in how to make theatre come all the way from NY to be there to celebrate my retirement – probably the trippiest meta experience of the whole process. And letting him and his wife get away without photo documentation. WHAT?????? Can you say faux pas?
• First time to be toured through the Valley by Chris recounting all his hair-raising escapades as a teenager.
• Watching my 8 year old granddaughter reading the New York Times at breakfast. Started out as a spoof of Nana, and turned into an exercise of reading about the Tony Nominations. What other section would I have given her to start with?

It’s been a festive week. We even slipped in an evening at the Hollywood Bowl to see Netflix Is A Joke – May 2nd at the Bowl featured Nate Bargatze, Jim Gaffigan, Sebastian Maniscalco, and Jerry Seinfeld. I can’t imagine playing to a venue of 17,000 people, but the joy of hearing so many people laughing together was great fun. It was a lovely night made possible by my brother Don and his wife Terry’s babysitting skills. They effortless wrangled the girls through Olympic trials in their condo’s pool and a very smooth transition to bed – something Nana will need to work on mastering. On the transportation to the Bowl front – easy getting in. Hellish getting out. Note to self: arrange for a helicopter or find the website for shuttle buses. Getting out was enough to make me really think twice about going to the Bowl.

Here are some festive photos from the Retirement Party. I welcome any other photos readers of this blog took who would like to share them with me!

For those of you who are following along from far distances, here’s my “retirement speech.” I know, I recognize the irony at the end of the speech with including this here. Ego bath rather than Ego surrender.

Dean Roxworthy, SDA Senior Staff, Divisional Chairs, fellow current and former faculty, staff, friends, and family. It is my distinct pleasure to have this opportunity to address you on my retirement from USC. Thank you for braving traffic and ID verification to get here.

I want to talk about two main things that have made it possible for me to thrive over the last 19 plus years at USC. And then to share a few of my immediate plans for filling the very odd concept of “free” time.

The first is Gratitude.  

Here are a few things I am grateful for:

The tip from Jonathan Barlow Lee, then the Production Manager at the Mark Taper Forum about this position opening at USC while Madeline Puzo was Dean. His faith and support that the skills I had as a stage manager would translate to Production Management allowed me to take a leap to apply for the staff position. Always take that leap, friends.

I’m grateful for USC’s penchant at that time for valuing individuals and their skills as well as encouraging autonomy and hiring me. And now I am grateful for USC’s pension.

My job evolved from a staff position of Production Manager/Props Manager to a teaching and administrative position. Throughout, I have been grateful for the quality of the people around me — their individual strengths and fierce commitment to the learning and artistry of our students. Forgive me if I don’t name everyone who had such a powerful impact on me, because I know I’ll forget someone and hurt feelings. I treasure the close work with so many of you.

I’m grateful for our students and what they’ve taught us while we were teaching them.

Even through the throes of a pandemic which rendered all our physical spaces useless, we all learned resilience and redefined the parameters of our skillsets. We can count many former students who currently serve as new and invaluable members of the staff of SDA, which is a gift. I am eternally grateful for and will miss our amazing staff and faculty when I leave.

Each time USC razed my office– twice with a bulldozer, and once with a renovated building, I got a nicer office. So those of you sticking around take this tip – don’t sweat it when your office is threatened. You will likely end up in a nicer space. My current space on the 4^th floor in the Dramatic Arts Building was almost enough to tip the scales to make me stay another 19 years.

You know, I can even find gratitude for my body failing me. When I had surgery last August and subsequent chemo, it afforded me time for introspection, something we lose sight of in a season or years of seasons of 20+ productions. That pause allowed me to contemplate what life might be without the title of Professor or Production Manager or USC attached to my name. I’ll be okay.

About five years ago, I started to think about cross-training and my inevitable retirement; I was honored to hire an Associate Production Manager, Leia Crawford, and all our lives changed. Our partnership has been phenomenal. They have been intrepid and kept the school’s production arm going, along with so many of our FT staff in my absence this year. I am so grateful as I know that they will carry on in the future by supporting my successor.  Similar gratitude to former students Simon Chau and Jenn Sarvas, for stepping in and proving themselves as Production Manager and Faculty throughout this year.   

A recurring theme at USC is that making theatre comes with staffing needs that are difficult to understand outside our school. What results is a pressure to downsize staffing even as our productions have grown in complexity mirroring and elevating the learning of our actors and production students.

All four Deans I have served have encouraged donors to support the productions and labs, most recently, providing improvements to our Costume Lab in the PED building, our  new Light Lab in MCC, and the Stage Management Office, and Design and Audio labs in the DAB building. For all these things, I’m grateful. It is a physical demonstration of the value of our students’ educational processes. It lifts everyone to work and learn in a well-lit and well- equipped space. I am so grateful to those deans and donors.

The second thing is Surrender.

On May 10^th, I will surrender my keys (hold them up)

Recently, I surrendered my hair to the chemotherapy. Along with it, I surrendered my pride and several well-meaning wigs.

Through much training and self-reflection, I have learned that surrendering one’s ego is the most important thing you can do. Being present and positively oriented reduced the stress in my life by nearly 100%. To quote Eckhart Tolle,

“When you make the present moment, instead of past and future, the focal point of your life, your ability to enjoy what you do – and with it the quality of your life – increases dramatically.”

Instead of seeing yourself as a famous actor and writer and so on, see yourself inspiring countless people with your work and enriching their lives. Feel how that activity enriches or deepens not only your life but that of countless others.”

In recent months I have learned to surrender to change and transition. That is a good thing because as an institution we are changing. Our students are far different today than they were in 2005 when I started at USC and they demand different sensitivities and tools to navigate the complex and changing world of Theatre. Our goals are dynamic and require flexibility and accommodation. We cannot live in the past but must find new tools and technologies and techniques to inspire and enrich our students’ lives.

I’m excited to see what SDA does in the coming years to continue to inspire and enrich our students’ learning. I am so grateful for the time and impact I was a part of.

What will the future bring?

I look forward to:

• Being present for important events in my family’s and friends’ lives.
• Traveling – I’m taking a trip to Florida with my 93-year-old father to see his “little” sister, my talented Aunt Irene. There is a potential weeklong SM Gig in Croatia that I won’t say no to.
• Spending more time in nature.

Dean Roxworthy and Jen Franco, thank you so much for today. This has been truly memorable and moving to me.

Those are just a few things from my future highlights reel.

Be Kind, Brave, Resilient and Grateful, and Surrender to the present.