Halfway Through – Giving Thanks for the Now

November 8th marked the halfway measure of my chemo journey. Three out of six treatments completed. Since then, I have had some wonderful outings and experiences. Both Destiny and Honey Karina have been very busy.

Chemo cycle three was tough. I tried to do a little too much too soon. I told my brother that I felt up for walking on Saturday morning, day 4. We went to the Reservoir and walked to the dam and back after which point, I was exhausted. I really had no business trekking to campus for the 11AM Multihyphenate workshop hosted by my colleague Ann Closs-Farley, but I was glad to go and listen for a while to the fascinating discussion about Character by Design with representatives from costume design, makeup, and concept design and execution. It was a fascinating morning but I pushed too hard. Note to self – this stuff is cumulative as well.

The following week brought more medical appointments, feeling better each day, but I was knocked out by this cycle of chemo in a way that I hadn’t been previously. Living and learning.

Tuesday, November 14th, I gathered with brother Don and his wife Terry, and friend Rob on the Waverly Rooftop Cafe for a dinner prior to going to see Alex Edelman at the Mark Taper Forum. I’ve already encouraged you all to see his work and he closes this Sunday, November 26th, but all I can say is WOW. His production of Just For Us couldn’t be more timely, or impactful. His physical creation of a series of narratively rich locations was comedic and laser-focused. You can get a sense from the CTG’s trailer for the show. This was my favorite You Tube clip I’ve found. You can’t see Alex Edelman without being changed for the better. It was an astonishingly funny and impactful evening. Dinner was great, too.

Wednesday, aside from the most amazing pre-Thanksgiving Food section in the New York Times, had little to offer me other than recovering from Tuesday night. The weather was dreary and it was raining. I was cozied up on my couch reading the paper and reading a book until about 11:30AM when my friend Norma called me to entice me over to the Huntington Gardens. She had found the opportunity in the rain, which was getting a walk-up appointment for the newly renovated tea Pavilion. I mean it is fancy.

For anyone who has had tea at the old tea room, this new evocation of it is “fahncy.” Norma had work(m)ed her way into a non-reservation next to the fireplace, and for the next several hours, we whiled away the time chatting about life and writing, primarily. Norma is an intrepid interviewer. As a result of our lovely afternoon, I went home and resurrected my book manuscript and spent time reading through and updating it just because she had inspired me to do so.

Norma and Els and Honey Karina ala fireplace

Thursday took me to another doctor’s appointment and in the evening, a trip over to the Odyssey Theatre to see a workshop production of Dutch Masters, by Greg Keller, starring John Snow and Christian Henley, directed by Stephanie Shroyer. The production was bare bones, but if you know anything about the magic of Stephanie Shroyer, you know that a lack of set is just an invitation for magical staging opportunities. The production is a powerful examination of race and family. Both Henley and Snow were phenomenal in their roles.

Friday was a whirlwind of zoom meetings – for as much as I have disconnected from work during this leave, my heart and mind have remained tethered securely. Checking in when I feel well enough has a solidifying effect as I prepare to return to work in the spring after my final chemo in January. I love my colleagues and the students. On Friday I announced to the full faculty my intention to retire in May, 2024. This was and will be a major adjustment to my life but I’m ready.

One of our current TD students, a senior, reached out a few weeks ago to ask about Jingle Bowl, our annual bowling event that is intended to give current students an opportunity to let off some steam during the fall final exam period. As a result of her inquiry, we convened a zoom with her, and my colleague Tom Buderwitz, and I handed the planning baton to Zoe. Stay tuned but I don’t think I’m cheating to say this year’s date is Sunday, December 10th. Look for the invite soon! Here are just a few throwback photos from past Jingle Bowls.

Saturday, I had the pleasure of going to Disney Hall with my friend and former boss, Madeline, and former colleague Susan, to hear the Los Angeles Master Chorale and their presentation of Morton Lauridson’s Lux Aeterna. There was also a beautiful piece by Billy Childs, played by him at the piano, and supported by the Chorale and the orchestra. It was a very special afternoon of music and remembrance of loved ones gone too soon. This was a timely moment to remember dear ones and invariably a moment to reflect on my own time on the planet. You can listen here to the first of the four movements and other selections from the Master Chorale at work under the direction of Grant Gershon.

Cancer definitely gives you the impetus to ask yourself the proverbial stage manager’s question. “If I were hit by a bus today, would the show go on given my documentation?” Or the more universal follow up, “…bus…would I regret the way I spent today and recent days?” I know that got dark quickly, but the question invites us to imagine more how we function in the world and ask “would the world notice if I weren’t here.” Maybe a subject we don’t look at head on most days.

I’m currently in Scottsdale, AZ for the Thanksgiving week, something I’ve been looking forward to since I began the chemo. In fact, my doctor and I scheduled the chemo around the necessity of my being in top form this week. I rented a delightful AirBnB and have been communing with Chris and his family, and his wife Whitney’s family, who are staying nearby at a resort. I drove out from Los Angeles to allow us to have a car to get around to do things. On the car ride out, I finished the fourth Richard Osman Thursday Murder Mystery Club mystery, The Last Devil To Die, set in Cooper’s Chase, populated by lovely pensioners from various backgrounds, who solve murders in their spare time. Charming and entertaining, as have all the preceding in the series been.

After finishing that one, I dipped my toe or rather my ears into Eckhart Tolle’s The Power of Now. I had been steered toward his work before multiple times, but somehow the most recent recommendation by my PQ coach and friend, Nan, stuck, and I plugged in to listen for the last half of the drive to his work. Below is the blurb from Amazon. There will be skeptics reading this who think this sounds way too woo woo and that I’ve gone too far in my exploration of being, but in this phase of my life, as I prepare to retire and slough off my identity as college professor and active co-manager of time and resources for a large theatre school’s production area, the “what is left” question is invariably front and center in my way- too-analytical mind. Tolle’s invitation to discard the analytical mind is actually a little horrifying, but I’m willing to embrace the concept that we are more than what we do or think. Truly, this recent journey has caused me to ask this question frequently.

To make the journey into The Power of Now you need to leave your analytical mind and its false created self, the ego, behind. Access to the Now is everywhere – in the body, the silence, and the space all around you. These are the keys to enter a state of inner peace. They can be used to bring you into the Now, the present moment, where problems do not exist. It is here you find your joy and are able to embrace your true self. It is here you discover that you are already complete and perfect.

Although the journey is challenging, Eckhart Tolle offers simple language in a question and answer format. The words themselves are the signposts to guide you on your journey. There are new discoveries to be made along the way: you are not your mind, you can find your way out of psychological pain, authentic human power is found by surrendering to the Now. When you become fully present and accepting of what is, you open yourself to the transforming experience of The Power of Now.
Amazon

Tolle’s ideas compliment the Positive Intelligence practice I’ve been engaged in for the past two years but his framework invites us to question the entire architecture of who we are. The disposal of ego is something I’ve always been enamored with and I believe is key to the effective practice of both stage management and production management, but more trying or challenging is Tolle’s instruction to discard the framework of time and analytical thought completely. I’m not sure how a Production Manager does that without also losing their sanity. I look forward to examining that idea in the last months of my work at the university.

For now, this Thanksgiving week has been a lovely series of Nows, sitting by the pool watching my granddaughters splash and slide, and many delicious meals with my immediate family. My granddaughters are delightful at 4 and 7. They clearly didn’t fall far from the tree.

Having the retreat at night in the AirBnB has allowed me the rest I need and the morning ritual of my tea and a healthy dose of self-reflection.

We had a beautiful Thanksgiving Dinner out on the patio of the resort where Chris and Whitney and her family are staying. The light was spectacular at sundown.